I decided to make a list of my fears. I will add to the list as I recognize them.
I am afraid:
Of making the wrong decision
Of rejection
Of injury
Of vomit
Of Horror Movies (in general)
Of failing
Of missing opportunities
Of disappointment
Of confrontation
Of being forgotten or being left out
Of getting lost
Of severe embarrassment
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
GLEE, School, Soccer, etc.
So I havent blogged in a while… ive thought about it, but I just never got around to it. The past month has gone by so fast! Im still running to the mailbox everyday anticipating decision letters, because I keep forgetting I don’t have to worry about that for another week.
Soccer finally started and it’s going pretty well. We lost yesterday to Farragut 0-2, and won today against Pheonix Military Academy 1-0. I almost scored 2 goals with my penalty kicks. Oh well. There’s plenty of time for that later. And apparently Mahon and Nance were at the game, and I didn’t see either of them. SO disappointed. I hardly ever get to see Nance and I miss her as a Coach. She’s an awesome person.
Grades are going fine. Calculus is getting really difficult. I HATE integrals. Lol I started off this semester with a 102% in the class, and now I have a 94% because I failed a test due to a bunch of little mistakes. D:
Just ordered two new Threadless t-shirts today! YES!
Forked out a new AP Lang essay due Monday. My approach was completely wrong so now I have to choose a new argument and start all over. That made me really sad today, along with...
I did it again. I saw him in the hallway, and I couldn't get my mouth to open and say something intelligible. And it makes me so mad! Why do I do that? Perfect opportunity to say hi, and what do I do? Say nothing. I'm such a loser.
Alex is having similar drama in her life, and she asks me for advice. I would love to help and try to, but the fact is: I'm in the same situation and I don't know what to do. I give her all kinds of advice and try to help her figure things out, but I have no experience in the area. I really wish I could help her though. She's awesome! And is also looking for a prom date as I am. We are running out of time...prom is only 2 months away. Not that it matters. :D
Read a few good books lately: I'm really enjoying "Need" right now, along with "A Natural History of the Senses" that we're reading in AP Lang. HATED "Hard Cash" . Loved "Hush, Hush".
Oh and before I forget, my mom and I wrote into the Oprah Show about how obsessed with GLEE we are, and they invited us to the show! I've always wanted to be on Oprah. And I can't believe I'm going to be in the same. room. as. LEA MICHELE, my favorite singer! OH MY GOSH. I can't explain how excited I am.
Alright, time to go continue to read Need.
Listening to: Wanna Be Startin' Something Remix (feat. Akon) by Michael Jackson
Soccer finally started and it’s going pretty well. We lost yesterday to Farragut 0-2, and won today against Pheonix Military Academy 1-0. I almost scored 2 goals with my penalty kicks. Oh well. There’s plenty of time for that later. And apparently Mahon and Nance were at the game, and I didn’t see either of them. SO disappointed. I hardly ever get to see Nance and I miss her as a Coach. She’s an awesome person.
Grades are going fine. Calculus is getting really difficult. I HATE integrals. Lol I started off this semester with a 102% in the class, and now I have a 94% because I failed a test due to a bunch of little mistakes. D:
Just ordered two new Threadless t-shirts today! YES!
Forked out a new AP Lang essay due Monday. My approach was completely wrong so now I have to choose a new argument and start all over. That made me really sad today, along with...
I did it again. I saw him in the hallway, and I couldn't get my mouth to open and say something intelligible. And it makes me so mad! Why do I do that? Perfect opportunity to say hi, and what do I do? Say nothing. I'm such a loser.
Alex is having similar drama in her life, and she asks me for advice. I would love to help and try to, but the fact is: I'm in the same situation and I don't know what to do. I give her all kinds of advice and try to help her figure things out, but I have no experience in the area. I really wish I could help her though. She's awesome! And is also looking for a prom date as I am. We are running out of time...prom is only 2 months away. Not that it matters. :D
Read a few good books lately: I'm really enjoying "Need" right now, along with "A Natural History of the Senses" that we're reading in AP Lang. HATED "Hard Cash" . Loved "Hush, Hush".
Oh and before I forget, my mom and I wrote into the Oprah Show about how obsessed with GLEE we are, and they invited us to the show! I've always wanted to be on Oprah. And I can't believe I'm going to be in the same. room. as. LEA MICHELE, my favorite singer! OH MY GOSH. I can't explain how excited I am.
Alright, time to go continue to read Need.
Listening to: Wanna Be Startin' Something Remix (feat. Akon) by Michael Jackson
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Eventful Past Few Weeks
Listening to: Don't Rain On My Parade from the Glee Soundtrack: Volume 2
sooooooo this has been an eventful past month. With it came a new college acceptance (Illinois Wesleyan University), a new crush, finals, revealed secrets, awesome music, and great tv.
got accepted to IWU. good school, I liked it a lot when i visited, but they aren't going to give me what I'm looking for in terms of money. they gave me $5k a year as a merit scholarship (not enough - every year is like 40k). Katie Rothas applied to IWU early action, got in, and got $10k a year. i asked her if she knows where she'll go yet; she doesn't know. Coe College gave her the most money, but she said she'll probably go to Cornell college in IA. how funny and awesome would that be if she went there and I went to Grinnell and we would BOTH BE IN Iowa?! can you say, ROAD TRIP TO SEE SYTYCD TOUR? heck yeah.
So yes. This new crush. probably one of my better crushes: this guy is actually nice (from what I've heard). funny (from what I know) and really talented musically. and most importantly, I think he's got his priorities straight in terms of academics. except he might be dating someone (don't know), and I haven't really talked to him much. I'm just so embarrassed. i knew i kinda liked him, but i really realized it after i had a dream about him. No, not THAT kind of dream. -_- i had a dream that we were dating and that we were both really happy and that it was a great, spicy relationship. it was a sweet dream but then the next day when i saw him in the hallway and met his glance, i looked away instantly and ran away due to embarrassment. And then of course he showed up at the dance and i couldn't muster up enough courage to ask him to dance or anything. I AM SUCH A WIMP.
Finals. so they've gone pretty well so far. I got a 47 out of 50 on the AP Bio Final, an 80 out of 100 on the AP Lang Final (that's good for me in that class), fine on the Concert Ch final, and fantastically awesome on the College knowledge final. Concert Ch final was especially annoying because I was one of two Altos that can read music and play the piano. And of course, the altos started getting mad when I would screw up a little bit in the rhythm or something. And when I would go back and try to correct it, they would start talking again. And of course no Altos offered Adira and I help with trying to teach the entire Alto section the song in 30 minutes. GETTING ON MY NERVES. But including the finals i taken thus far, my final grades still consist of straight A's and a B in AP Lang. My solo singers final is tomorrow along with AP Calc. I'm not that worried about either of those tho.
On a negative note, I discovered something about one of my friends. I felt like things could get potentially much worse or fatal if I didn't say anything to anyone, so I discussed it with a counselor. I'm just really fortunate that my friends and genuinely good people, and that the friend didn't hate me after "ratting her out." She's doing better now which is AWESOME! Love her.
Got Lenny Kravitz greatest hits cd form the library. surprisingly, there were only two real "hits" on the entire cd. O_o Joanna lent me an awesome Paramore cd(yay!) Fav songs: Franklin, My Heart, Whoa.
and I downloaded a compilation cd off of iTunes of both of the "Meg And Dia" cds for like $15. great cd. fav songs: One Sail, Hug Me, Agree to Disagree.
Watched some good/bad movies this past week:
TEETH. LMAO one of the worst movies I have ever seen! go look up its plot. watched it with JJAM and KPOP.
Young Victoria. really good! pleasantly surprised. and it actually had a happy ending which you never expect with those kinds of movies.
Whip It!. didn't finish. got about half way through. entertaining so far!
Fame! halfway done. Mom had to go to work in the middle of it. :/
I've been watching:
Make It Or Break It - Awesome show!
been watching AI auditions: hilarious.
Real World D.C.: interesting. not too exciting and episodes are hard to get a hold of.
Hung out with Selena after school today! We talked about boys, art, and double-sided scotch tape! :D we don't get a chance to talk often, but it was fun.
Alright, going to sign off now.
When I finished writing this, I was listening to: "Aftershocks" from the Next To Normal Broadway Soundtrack.
sooooooo this has been an eventful past month. With it came a new college acceptance (Illinois Wesleyan University), a new crush, finals, revealed secrets, awesome music, and great tv.
got accepted to IWU. good school, I liked it a lot when i visited, but they aren't going to give me what I'm looking for in terms of money. they gave me $5k a year as a merit scholarship (not enough - every year is like 40k). Katie Rothas applied to IWU early action, got in, and got $10k a year. i asked her if she knows where she'll go yet; she doesn't know. Coe College gave her the most money, but she said she'll probably go to Cornell college in IA. how funny and awesome would that be if she went there and I went to Grinnell and we would BOTH BE IN Iowa?! can you say, ROAD TRIP TO SEE SYTYCD TOUR? heck yeah.
So yes. This new crush. probably one of my better crushes: this guy is actually nice (from what I've heard). funny (from what I know) and really talented musically. and most importantly, I think he's got his priorities straight in terms of academics. except he might be dating someone (don't know), and I haven't really talked to him much. I'm just so embarrassed. i knew i kinda liked him, but i really realized it after i had a dream about him. No, not THAT kind of dream. -_- i had a dream that we were dating and that we were both really happy and that it was a great, spicy relationship. it was a sweet dream but then the next day when i saw him in the hallway and met his glance, i looked away instantly and ran away due to embarrassment. And then of course he showed up at the dance and i couldn't muster up enough courage to ask him to dance or anything. I AM SUCH A WIMP.
Finals. so they've gone pretty well so far. I got a 47 out of 50 on the AP Bio Final, an 80 out of 100 on the AP Lang Final (that's good for me in that class), fine on the Concert Ch final, and fantastically awesome on the College knowledge final. Concert Ch final was especially annoying because I was one of two Altos that can read music and play the piano. And of course, the altos started getting mad when I would screw up a little bit in the rhythm or something. And when I would go back and try to correct it, they would start talking again. And of course no Altos offered Adira and I help with trying to teach the entire Alto section the song in 30 minutes. GETTING ON MY NERVES. But including the finals i taken thus far, my final grades still consist of straight A's and a B in AP Lang. My solo singers final is tomorrow along with AP Calc. I'm not that worried about either of those tho.
On a negative note, I discovered something about one of my friends. I felt like things could get potentially much worse or fatal if I didn't say anything to anyone, so I discussed it with a counselor. I'm just really fortunate that my friends and genuinely good people, and that the friend didn't hate me after "ratting her out." She's doing better now which is AWESOME! Love her.
Got Lenny Kravitz greatest hits cd form the library. surprisingly, there were only two real "hits" on the entire cd. O_o Joanna lent me an awesome Paramore cd(yay!) Fav songs: Franklin, My Heart, Whoa.
and I downloaded a compilation cd off of iTunes of both of the "Meg And Dia" cds for like $15. great cd. fav songs: One Sail, Hug Me, Agree to Disagree.
Watched some good/bad movies this past week:
TEETH. LMAO one of the worst movies I have ever seen! go look up its plot. watched it with JJAM and KPOP.
Young Victoria. really good! pleasantly surprised. and it actually had a happy ending which you never expect with those kinds of movies.
Whip It!. didn't finish. got about half way through. entertaining so far!
Fame! halfway done. Mom had to go to work in the middle of it. :/
I've been watching:
Make It Or Break It - Awesome show!
been watching AI auditions: hilarious.
Real World D.C.: interesting. not too exciting and episodes are hard to get a hold of.
Hung out with Selena after school today! We talked about boys, art, and double-sided scotch tape! :D we don't get a chance to talk often, but it was fun.
Alright, going to sign off now.
When I finished writing this, I was listening to: "Aftershocks" from the Next To Normal Broadway Soundtrack.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
This week sucked
Okay so this week sucked. But the reality is that it probably wasn't even that bad, I've just been moody for the past few days.
so i finally got the gates-millenium scholarship turned in on time (huh-yeah!) with all 8 of its essays. that wasnt a relief until the day after. so what sucks is that on this day in which i start feeling relieved, i find out that all of the colleges I'm applying to are requiring that I mail in a bunch of forms, incl. W-2s and the CSS Profile, and some of these colleges have Feb 1st deadlines! so this is freaking me out, along with how much its ging to cost my parents to send out the CSS Profile to the required schools; its going to be like $100. D:
and im getting irritated with solo singers and choir. ive been in concert choir for 3 years and every year i think, hey maybe next year I'll finally get a solo! 3 years later, it still hasn't happened. And im annoyed because I work really hard in CC, and Mrs. Klopack doesn't even notice. I help the other girls with the notes and stuff, and someone else gets the credit. And Klopack has a reputation for giving a bunch of solos to the seniors every year, so wth is happening? i cant think of a single senior in CC this year that has gotten a solo. They all keep going to the same junior and freshman.
my Yale interview is this saturday. needless to say, im freaking out.
the soccer captains aren't communicating and its causing conflict among the team. they need to collaborate and work it out.
I am really second guessing myself when it comes to testing. I didn't do nearly as well as I hoped I would on the ACT, and I wonder if it is going to cause me to not get into any Ivys or top choices. I begin to wonder if I should have taken the SAT anyway, even tho I swore off testing after retaking the ACT, getting the same score, and then taking the SAT Subject Tests. Would I have done better? but the reason for why I didnt take it remains the same: i didn't have time to study. whenever the test dates came up, I was working on big scholarships, applications, papers, etc. colleges say test scores dont matter that much, but is that really true for the Ivys? How much will they consider applications with ACT scores less than 30? and will they even really consider mine with a score of 26? did i just waste my time applying?
The spring semester of Club Shedd filled up b4 I could sign up. :(
I have virtually no time for a social life and it makes me sad. i hang out with friends, what, once or twice a month tops? and it still sucks to be invited to get-togethers as a last resort or last minute because im still forgotten, or I have to ask to be invited. its been like that since freshman year and it still sucks.
why do I always like people who are completely unattainable?
will i ever work up enough courage to ask someone to prom? cause im almost sure I wont be asked. or will i choose to go with friends?
will princeton ever receive my teacher recommendations? -_-
im finding it nearly impossible to get an A in AP Lang. my grade just decreased by another whole percent today, making me want to give up. this time, i dont even know why i got a c on that paper.
i havent felt this down in a long, long time. i pretty much never feel like this. i feel so emotionally and physically tired. but i already feel a little better writing most of it down.
so i finally got the gates-millenium scholarship turned in on time (huh-yeah!) with all 8 of its essays. that wasnt a relief until the day after. so what sucks is that on this day in which i start feeling relieved, i find out that all of the colleges I'm applying to are requiring that I mail in a bunch of forms, incl. W-2s and the CSS Profile, and some of these colleges have Feb 1st deadlines! so this is freaking me out, along with how much its ging to cost my parents to send out the CSS Profile to the required schools; its going to be like $100. D:
and im getting irritated with solo singers and choir. ive been in concert choir for 3 years and every year i think, hey maybe next year I'll finally get a solo! 3 years later, it still hasn't happened. And im annoyed because I work really hard in CC, and Mrs. Klopack doesn't even notice. I help the other girls with the notes and stuff, and someone else gets the credit. And Klopack has a reputation for giving a bunch of solos to the seniors every year, so wth is happening? i cant think of a single senior in CC this year that has gotten a solo. They all keep going to the same junior and freshman.
my Yale interview is this saturday. needless to say, im freaking out.
the soccer captains aren't communicating and its causing conflict among the team. they need to collaborate and work it out.
I am really second guessing myself when it comes to testing. I didn't do nearly as well as I hoped I would on the ACT, and I wonder if it is going to cause me to not get into any Ivys or top choices. I begin to wonder if I should have taken the SAT anyway, even tho I swore off testing after retaking the ACT, getting the same score, and then taking the SAT Subject Tests. Would I have done better? but the reason for why I didnt take it remains the same: i didn't have time to study. whenever the test dates came up, I was working on big scholarships, applications, papers, etc. colleges say test scores dont matter that much, but is that really true for the Ivys? How much will they consider applications with ACT scores less than 30? and will they even really consider mine with a score of 26? did i just waste my time applying?
The spring semester of Club Shedd filled up b4 I could sign up. :(
I have virtually no time for a social life and it makes me sad. i hang out with friends, what, once or twice a month tops? and it still sucks to be invited to get-togethers as a last resort or last minute because im still forgotten, or I have to ask to be invited. its been like that since freshman year and it still sucks.
why do I always like people who are completely unattainable?
will i ever work up enough courage to ask someone to prom? cause im almost sure I wont be asked. or will i choose to go with friends?
will princeton ever receive my teacher recommendations? -_-
im finding it nearly impossible to get an A in AP Lang. my grade just decreased by another whole percent today, making me want to give up. this time, i dont even know why i got a c on that paper.
i havent felt this down in a long, long time. i pretty much never feel like this. i feel so emotionally and physically tired. but i already feel a little better writing most of it down.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
New Years!
So it's the new years and i haven't made any resolutions yet. Oh well. Well I guess I'll just make a list of a few goals:
Get into at least one of the 4 ivies I applied to (Harvard, Princeton, Yale, Columbia)
Get straight A's for my final grades.
Find the perfect dress and ATTEND prom (unlike my sister XD)
Some favorite cds that I listened to for the first time this year include:
Glee Soundtrack Volume 2 (2 was better than 1)
Incredibad - The Lonely Island
It's Not Me It's You - Lily Allen
All I Ever Wanted - Kelly Clarkson
Fearless - Jazmine Sullivan
The Quilt - Gym Class Heroes
Here We Go Again - Demi Lovato
Fearless - Taylor Swift
Best Movies of the year (that I can remember):
AVATAR
Up!
Twilight Saga: New Moon (SSSYYYKE!!! XD)
Precious
Billy Elliot (2000 version)
Hmmmm. so its the new year!!! I hope this year is awesome. Mom's keys are missing so I have to help her look. Were going back to Chicago tomorrow afternoon form our 11-day NY trip. It's been fun.
Lastly, what really happened in 2009?
I had my first boyfriend (lasted only a few weeks.)
Had my first breakup (it was mutual. better off as friends)
I went to the Bahamas for the first time
I fell in love with Berry Chill and frozen yogurt in general.
and were leaving my cousin's house now! new post soon.
Get into at least one of the 4 ivies I applied to (Harvard, Princeton, Yale, Columbia)
Get straight A's for my final grades.
Find the perfect dress and ATTEND prom (unlike my sister XD)
Some favorite cds that I listened to for the first time this year include:
Glee Soundtrack Volume 2 (2 was better than 1)
Incredibad - The Lonely Island
It's Not Me It's You - Lily Allen
All I Ever Wanted - Kelly Clarkson
Fearless - Jazmine Sullivan
The Quilt - Gym Class Heroes
Here We Go Again - Demi Lovato
Fearless - Taylor Swift
Best Movies of the year (that I can remember):
AVATAR
Up!
Twilight Saga: New Moon (SSSYYYKE!!! XD)
Precious
Billy Elliot (2000 version)
Hmmmm. so its the new year!!! I hope this year is awesome. Mom's keys are missing so I have to help her look. Were going back to Chicago tomorrow afternoon form our 11-day NY trip. It's been fun.
Lastly, what really happened in 2009?
I had my first boyfriend (lasted only a few weeks.)
Had my first breakup (it was mutual. better off as friends)
I went to the Bahamas for the first time
I fell in love with Berry Chill and frozen yogurt in general.
and were leaving my cousin's house now! new post soon.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Today's Agenda and another (not as weird) dream
I slept badly again last night. I lied in bed for at least 2 hours before i fell asleep. So in this dream, I was on a boat with a bunch of people (has happened before) except this time, the counselors were telling us to jump off the boat in trios. There was a lot of conflict with group selection because there was one girl that wanted to be in our group but she was really mean to everyone. So she ended up not being in our group and my group went to the edge of the boat. somehow, the water closest to the boat was lava and we had to jump over that into the ocean. And once i was in the ocean, I was so happy (realistic)! Then they harnessed me up into a backwards zipline and then i was flying into the air towards a junglegym that was 1,000 feet in the air! it was amazing. and thats all i remember. lol
so yesterday I finished my Calc derivative packet and I finished my 16 page Calc portfolio (Wed. morning). I also finished my AP Bio reading yesterday, so today all I have to do is do some kind of summary of the Bio chapter and the AP Lang homework which should take me an hour. Today, I have to go to church (ugh.) and sell tickets to the Winter Choir Concert of thursday, in which I have a solo! I'm pretty nervous/excited for it. I hope I don't mess up because if I do, there's no choir behind me to help. I am all by myself.
This week I also submitted my Grinnell supplement and did my Yale essay. I'm going to submit my yale supplement and harvard supplement this week. yay!
so yesterday I finished my Calc derivative packet and I finished my 16 page Calc portfolio (Wed. morning). I also finished my AP Bio reading yesterday, so today all I have to do is do some kind of summary of the Bio chapter and the AP Lang homework which should take me an hour. Today, I have to go to church (ugh.) and sell tickets to the Winter Choir Concert of thursday, in which I have a solo! I'm pretty nervous/excited for it. I hope I don't mess up because if I do, there's no choir behind me to help. I am all by myself.
This week I also submitted my Grinnell supplement and did my Yale essay. I'm going to submit my yale supplement and harvard supplement this week. yay!
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Really weird dream 11/28
Okay so last night i slept horribly. Got in bed at 11:45...tossed and turned until the rest of the family came home, which was around one. continued to toss and turn (but must have fallen asleep sometime because I didnt hear her get into bed. woke up a t 4am and couldnt go back to sleep for about another hour. fell back asleep. woke up at 9am.
okay so the dream started with Coach Derek (the jones girls soccer coach) talking about us getting conditioned. so for conditioning, he has us all get on bikes and tells us to ride around for 5 hours. except we werent downtown. and we had no idea where we were going. i got lost several times. i somehow rode all the way to Hyde Park and went by my house. got sick of riding at some point. then my bike magically disappeared and i hitched a ride with someone back to jones. none of my teammates were back yet. coach was mad because i didnt use the whole 5 hours.
okay so thats the end of the first dream, the one im guessing ended when i woke up a t 4 am.
so the next dream started when i went back to sleep...
it was the entire senior class plus random people from concert choir. we were all going on a trip to ??? but it was similar to the place we went for Sophomore retreat. anyways, weird stuff started happening. the weirdest by far was when Nancy W in my class started doing coke (what the heck??), and then got Gwyn and Venus to get into it as well (really weird). and then there was a talent show... well Arquilla played the piano and sang one of my favorite songs (that i cant remember). then people started passing around a mike and singing lines from it. they were passing food around at the same time, so when the mike came to me and i sang a solo, i had a mouth full of twizzlers. i sounded okay tho. and the not so weird things... Diaper Boy completely ignored me the entire trip. He didn't say a single word to me the entire time, which made me kinda sad. which is pretty realistic i guess, because the rare conversations we have, i have to initiate. sigh.
THE END
weird right? maybe its cause i had an ice cream sundae sometime before bed....
okay so the dream started with Coach Derek (the jones girls soccer coach) talking about us getting conditioned. so for conditioning, he has us all get on bikes and tells us to ride around for 5 hours. except we werent downtown. and we had no idea where we were going. i got lost several times. i somehow rode all the way to Hyde Park and went by my house. got sick of riding at some point. then my bike magically disappeared and i hitched a ride with someone back to jones. none of my teammates were back yet. coach was mad because i didnt use the whole 5 hours.
okay so thats the end of the first dream, the one im guessing ended when i woke up a t 4 am.
so the next dream started when i went back to sleep...
it was the entire senior class plus random people from concert choir. we were all going on a trip to ??? but it was similar to the place we went for Sophomore retreat. anyways, weird stuff started happening. the weirdest by far was when Nancy W in my class started doing coke (what the heck??), and then got Gwyn and Venus to get into it as well (really weird). and then there was a talent show... well Arquilla played the piano and sang one of my favorite songs (that i cant remember). then people started passing around a mike and singing lines from it. they were passing food around at the same time, so when the mike came to me and i sang a solo, i had a mouth full of twizzlers. i sounded okay tho. and the not so weird things... Diaper Boy completely ignored me the entire trip. He didn't say a single word to me the entire time, which made me kinda sad. which is pretty realistic i guess, because the rare conversations we have, i have to initiate. sigh.
THE END
weird right? maybe its cause i had an ice cream sundae sometime before bed....
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