Don’t Do It

So as I just noticed, I haven’t posted at all this semester. Which is completely un acceptable. I’m sorry (to you all and to myself). I sometimes forget how therapeutic it is to write on here.

So this semester has been ridiculously hectic, but is coming to an end. That’s right. It’s FINALS WEEK. And mine is going to be terrible.

I don’t have the time to go into a lot of detail right now, because at the moment I’m supposed to be writing a 4-6 pager for my GWSS-249 class. How much is done? Only a paragraph. Imma get to it.

But, to make things interesting (hopefully), I’m going to post a lil something I wrote this summer. I hope this keeps this post from being completely pointless. I hope you enjoy it. I had fun writing it.

 

DON’’T DO IT

My hands are reaching towards you

Traveling down

And closer to you than I want to be

I knew the time would come

When this would happen again

I don’t want it too

But it will anyway

I want to help you

But this is something you have to do on your own

You’re stubborn like that

As you take your stance

I wait for the inevitable

I watch you closely

And get ready

Brace myself

For that liquid hell

To drip out of range

And into places forbidden

I tell you to move over

Cause I don’t want to have to clean it up

But you don’t listen; you can’t

You’re busy focusing on screwing me over

You’re watching my reaction

When you should be focusing on your aim

And there it goes everywhere that it shouldn’t

And I wish

Dammit cat, I wish you would just pee in your stupid little litterbox

and not next to it

Plane Perks and Personnel

I apologize in advance for this long ass post. seriously. imma try to include some pictures in here to make it less infinite.

As I sit here in my 20B seat on my way to San Francisco, I think about my family. My mom on the jumpseat of the plane, and Dad and Karen already in San Francisco. The jumpseat is rough and I feel for my Mom; you don’t get to fall asleep and you don’t get the luxury of sitting in a relatively comfortable, reclining plane seat. Do you recall that grey rectangle attached to the wall at the front of planes? Yep, that is the wonderful, shitty jumpseat. Only Flight Personnel are allowed to sit on it. Even I, the daughter of a flight attendant (whose seniority goes back to 88 and is one of the most well-known/popular flight attendants of LaGuardia Airport) am no excuse to this rule.

The guy next to me that had his torso spilling over into my seat.

I just finished watching one of my favorite shows. I downloaded a torrent of the latest episode of Switched At Birth, and Dominique wasn’t lying – it was intense. I was fighting back the tears (and failing) towards the end of the episode. I’m not ashamed of crying. Okay, well maybe I am, but not in this case. I just worried my first-time applied mascara from this morning would run. Although I wonder: what does a person do when their mascara does run but they have no mirror to check it with? Do they just cry even more?

Before I finished off the last 15 minutes of SAB, I was chillin with the flight attendants on my flight. This is one of the things I love the most about flying with my mom. I love how flight attendants take care of each other. As a result, everyone that knows her is incredibly nice to her (as she is to them), and completely take care of her when she isn’t working.

The flight attendants came by with the food cart, selling overpriced sandwiches and chips, and they swiftly swiped the credit cards of the passengers surrounding me. The only male flight attendant on the flight asked me whether I wanted anything, so I mentioned something about how I needed to talk to my mom about it first. He quickly told me they might run out and to tell him what I wanted now. So I confusedly mumbled something about the fruit and yogurt parfait and magically it appeared in my reach. He slipped in that I was fine and moseyed on down the aisle without a glance back. I soon realized it was that flight attendant magic working again. I appreciate it when it happens, I just seem to always forget about it until it happens.

I took the parfait to my mom in the jumpseat to share (and get milk pills) and she reminded me that they always take care of each other when flying. So after we enjoyed our parfait, we shared a free $5 cheese and cracker plate, with her eating the brie and daring me to have some even though she knows it’s the cheese I hate the most. I caved and tasted it, and she laughed and smiled as I sputtered and ewed after I once again decided that brie is disgusting. And then, of course, I went on to finish all of the other cheese on the plate. I couldn’t let an entire plate of my favorite indulgence go to waste, now could I?

A Typical Jumpseat:

After temporarily calming my cheese obsession, we walked to the back of the completely full 757 plane to socialize with her flight attendant homies. I thanked them for the parfait, chatted with them for a bit about jewelry, and then they started with the lingo. Growing up with a mom as a flight attendant makes you understand some of the lingo and you learn more as you get older. But about two minutes into the switch, and the separate language had me completely lost.

As I got ready to go back to my seat, a passenger came to the back of the plane with us in front of the bathroom. The attendants asked him whether he was okay. That when things changed. I heard the passenger make the slightest mention of nausea, and fled back to my seat so fast. lol I speed walked and never looked back. The whole thing kind of reminded me of when I was hanging out with soccer girls after a party. We were hanging out on the Field, when Allison randomly started with these hacking coughs. The kind where you’re unsure if they will have vomit follow. She had said she her stomach hurt and when I heard these coughs, I fled. I didn’t mean to, but I was my gut reaction. And when I say fled, I don’t mean speed walk or jog. I ran. And as I ran towards my dorm, I could hear Cynthia say something like “where the hell did Amanda go?”. I ran/yelled that I bolted cause Allison was sick. And she laugh/yelled that she wasn’t sick and that I ran for no reason. So I ashamedly walked back to the group as we all laughed together and my paranoia. I feel like that was one of the few real bonding moments that I had with them. Because as we went to the next party and laughed about Allison accidentally throwing her cell phone in the bushes, I honestly felt like we were friends, and not just teammates. And that really means a lot to me. Maybe because I don’t get a lot of moments like that.

Well, I have to pee again, unfortunately for the woman on my right at the aisle, and fortunately for the large man on my left. Once I get up, he will once again spread himself happily into my seat as well.

I can’t wait to land in San Fran. I’ll be that much closer to getting to Napa.

Is it sad?

I ask myself this question all the time.

Is it wrong?

Is it sad?

Is it pathetic that I still dream of being a professional soccer player?

It would be so amazing. To get paid to do what I love. To be talented enough to play at that level. To be a role model. And to be a new kind of role model, at that.

You never see players that can only afford to play community soccer and have no Olympic Development Program or Club experience. And well, you never see any professionals with curves like mine.

Is it wrong that I want to overcome these things and be great? Go further then anyone (including myself) expected?

Just things that I have been thinking about a lot lately, especially as I watch the Women’s World Cup.

Connected to this dream are other smaller soccer related dreams. Like to legit have my name on the back of my jersey and to be sponsored. How amazing would that be to have things thrown at me for free for once in my life? For people to give me things while essentially saying that they believe in me?

How awesome would that be?

And while I train this summer, I think about the drastic improvement that needs to take place with me and soccer. So that my coach and my family will believe in me. I need to believe in me. Whether it’s right or not, I’m working towards being my best ever, and the ultimate goal of being good enough that my unusual soccer background doesn’t matter and isn’t obvious.

I want to be a force to be reckoned with like I was in high school. I made a drastic improvement in high school over the years. Was the weakest on Varsity freshman year, won MVP in senior year. I hope I will improve that much here.

I want to be on the field. And I want to be on a level playing field with my teammates. Feel like I belong there. Because when it comes to playing, I can see the drastic difference between my experience and my teammates. And I’m sick of seeing it and feeling like I’m taking away from their training by being there.

I want to step up. And be great.

A JOB and SCUBA

Soooo today I received some awesome news. First off, I now have JOB!!!!! HOOORAAAAY! They called me today and let me know that I got this internship at a conservation and environmental high school program here in Chicago. My job is mainly to help the program participants with their powerpoint projects that they must complete throughout the program. But because I have a lot of background in environmental science (from a couple of Shedd Aquarium programs that I did), they are hiring me full-on to do other things with the program every day (rather than just a few days and hours a week). Stipend of $1600 for the 4 weeks. Im so excited. And I start Monday.


this is going to be me----->

And then, to top it all off, my mom surprised me right after I finished washing my hair yesterday and told me that she is bought me a groupon to get my scuba certification this summer!!!! I can't even describe how happy I am right now. I've been trying to get my certification for like 4 years now, but havent been able to due to funds and time constraints. I'm contributing a couple hundred dollars that I earned at school towards it, but who cares. Best. birthday. present. ever.



And now for some embarrassing moments at the gym. So far I've dropped weights on myself like twice during hang cleans and bench. i couldn't finish a rep and the weight got stuck resting on my boobs and on my legs in hang cleans. super embarrassing. especially when you have like 30 middle aged men staring at you in the first place cause you're the only female in the weight lifting area. All the men at my gym believe women are just supposed to do cardio.

Lastly, I should mention some good reads. First off, I read a lot of young adult books. You should know that.

okay so I loved this book called Matched by Allie Condie. about this different society with all these weird rules and predictions. interesting stuff.
Haven by Kristi Cook. A girl with special powers and goes to a school that is only for gifted people like her. teenagers with telekinesis, psychic abilities, etc. real cool.
and Wake by Lisa McCann. A girl who can jump into people's dreams. Super awesome series.

In terms of movies, I watched this movie called CAMP last week. really interesting. but i wouldnt say it was a great movie. lots of musically talented actresses, but not necessarily a great movie.

attempted to watch this movie called King of the Camp. I couldn't do it. The 15 minutes of it that I watched were absolutely terrible. i couldnt make myself keep watching it any longer.

i watched Unstoppable last week (that movie about the runaway train). SO GOOD.

Okay Mom is yelling at me now. We're going downtown. Bye ya'll!

first june post!

So I can't really invite my friends to come to a un-updated blog, can I? nope. so here is goes...

Second semester was extremely fun and difficult as a whole. During Hell Week, I had 10 papers to write before the end of the semester. There was a lot of boy drama (for me, at least), lots of partying (YEAAAAH!!!!), lots of friends made, and friendships solidified.

I'm still looking for a summer job. I applied to various places this summer, in either customer service, sports camps, or conservation, and haven't heard back from a single thing. I have an interview for the conservation job tomorrow, so hopefully that will go well.

My birthday is coming up soon! I'm real excited for it. I'm gonna have a nice small backyard barbecue with a small sleepover the day before. And the day after my birthday, we're going to Napa Valley!!! yessss. can't contain my excitement. I love Napa, and were only able to go like once every 5 years (assuming that my parents have enough saved to go).


This summer, I'm doing the training program for soccer and trying to get my scuba certification (again). I started the lifting program the week I got back to Chicago from school, and I have been doing it ever since. The hang cleans are killing me. i hate them! D: In regards to scuba, I've been trying to get my certification for years, but I finally saved up enough for it! But if I get a time consuming job this summer, than it will make it really hard for me to make time to get the certification. but i have to! I have to! I've waited so long to do it, and I feel like so many doors will open up for me once I do.

i finished the semester with two As and two B+ (yay!) and a kind-of boyfriend. After I left for the semester, we talked everyday the first week until he told me he might be coming to visit me in Chicago the next day. i was kind of back and forth about it because 6 hours is a long way to make anyone drive just to see you (and what if later on he determined that the trip wasn't worth it?). i would feel bad. so i sent kinda mixed signals over the phone, but tried to clear it up right after in a text when i told him i did want to see him and I did want him to come (I don't do so well over the phone so I figured a face to face interaction is what we needed). but then this happened: he never returned any of my phone calls or texts after that. I don't know what his deal is, but we're done. While I do wish I could talk to him about what happened, if he didn't have the decency to respond to me, that's his problem. I'm not making anymore efforts.

Alright, that's enough for now. later!

Rest of Spring Break

 

So after the New York trip, came back home. David and Marissa were visiting, so I made sure to hang out with them over break. My dad and I picked David up from the Green Line and he slept in the back room for a few days. He gave me a KILLER massage (after begging the world for one since the first week of soccer season! lol)

Hung out with David, kept lifting, and then hung out with Jaz, Mar, Te, and David downtown. We went to the Kerasotes theatre to see Limitless – amazing movie, but had too many puke scenes for me to want to see it again. Hung out at a Baskin Robins/Dunkin Doughnuts for a few hours just talking. Really fun. Rachel F. visited Chicago for a day, but I didn’t end up hanging out with them and didn’t get to see her. My roommate Adele was also in town and was staying in a hotel downtown, but I didn’t see her either cause she was busy with her family and me with mine. But it’s alright – I would see them both in less than a week.

Went to a Lady Eagles soccer game in the middle of their losing streak with hopes of my presence being a good luck charm. Anali showed up too and we had a reunion (and they won the game. HA!) Got to see all my socca girls! it was great and FREEZING (what the hell Chicago?!)

Having some major family issues. In short, Karen’s being more stubborn than usual and not saying/doing the brightest things and spends all of her time on the computer. Grandma’s having a hard time on her  own and in moving into a nursing home. Over break, she slipped in her apartment and fell. But the problem is that she is so weak that she wasn’t able to get up at all, and basically laid in the same spot by the foot of her bed for 1 and a half days. Couldn’t reach a phone to call for help, wasn’t near any food, etc. For over a day. After my dad discovered her in the apartment 2 days later, we took her to the emergency room where they held her there for a few days and they recommended physical therapy. When we visited her, she could hardly talk and couldn’t move on her own. Poor Grandma.

ISo now its back to school, with all these unresolved matters back at home. How can I keep an eye on Grandma from over here and leave things with my sister and parents as they are?

Spring Break – New York

 

Okay, so it’s been a really long time since I’ve written something. Not because I’ve been busy (which I have), but because a lot of things have happened lately and I’m not sure of how to write about them on here without giving a way too much. but I’ll try.

Right now I’m at home during Spring Break. We got two weeks for break, and I took the school shuttle back with Jazmine and David. First I spent 4 days in New York visiting the family and such. We went to the movies to see Beastly (the book was much better, but the movie was decent), an Off-Broadway performance called Fuerzabruta. It was hella weird. First off, there were no seats for this performance; everyone was standing in this warehouse type room looking up at the stage. It started with this man in a suit running on a treadmill/walkway thing with rain and getting shot dead. Then they do the whole thing again (with him running and getting shot), but THEN they do this badass water sequence that was really cool. A bunch of women on a tank above our heads creating patterns and shapes in the water. Here’s some quick clips:

:

Anyways, certain aspects of it were amazing (like the water stuff and the music), but the performance as a whole was quite repetitive (how many times do I have to see that man running and getting shot?). It was a cool idea tho. Im glad I experienced it.

Had some fun shopping and hanging out with the cousins. Also before Fuerzabruta  we went to Dylan’s Candy Bar and Wildwood BBQ (delicious!). Dylan’s Candy Bar was a really big deal – I’m a serious candy lover and it was a place I have wanted to go for years – and I finally made it there! It was amazing. 3 floors of candy everywhere. I was in heaven.

The rest of the trip was great – and the best part was chillin’ with my cousins. My sister and I’s presence automatically puts my cousin Melissa into a better mood (Melissa told us this). We watched some movies
(Secretariat), went shopping (Target at CityCenter), and ate dinner at the Melting Pot. Great trip!

2 Weeks of Winter Break Left!

Listening to: The whirr of my laptop

I go back to school in 2 weeks. and the weird thing is, I CANT WAIT. i miss my friends so much and working out daily. :P

i am trying to get an internship at an aquarium store for the summer, and im going to be going to a soccer camp. since i cant pay the soccer camp fee, im going to work the younger kids soccer camp and not get paid, so that i can attend the older kids camp for free. :D we'll see though!

and today i made a cake with my sister. looks-wise, it was an epic fail. but we'll see how it tastes! it is passionfuit cake with raspberry passionfruit mousse filling, passionfruit icing, and white fondant. im hoping we dont go into sugar shock.