Is it sad?

I ask myself this question all the time.

Is it wrong?

Is it sad?

Is it pathetic that I still dream of being a professional soccer player?

It would be so amazing. To get paid to do what I love. To be talented enough to play at that level. To be a role model. And to be a new kind of role model, at that.

You never see players that can only afford to play community soccer and have no Olympic Development Program or Club experience. And well, you never see any professionals with curves like mine.

Is it wrong that I want to overcome these things and be great? Go further then anyone (including myself) expected?

Just things that I have been thinking about a lot lately, especially as I watch the Women’s World Cup.

Connected to this dream are other smaller soccer related dreams. Like to legit have my name on the back of my jersey and to be sponsored. How amazing would that be to have things thrown at me for free for once in my life? For people to give me things while essentially saying that they believe in me?

How awesome would that be?

And while I train this summer, I think about the drastic improvement that needs to take place with me and soccer. So that my coach and my family will believe in me. I need to believe in me. Whether it’s right or not, I’m working towards being my best ever, and the ultimate goal of being good enough that my unusual soccer background doesn’t matter and isn’t obvious.

I want to be a force to be reckoned with like I was in high school. I made a drastic improvement in high school over the years. Was the weakest on Varsity freshman year, won MVP in senior year. I hope I will improve that much here.

I want to be on the field. And I want to be on a level playing field with my teammates. Feel like I belong there. Because when it comes to playing, I can see the drastic difference between my experience and my teammates. And I’m sick of seeing it and feeling like I’m taking away from their training by being there.

I want to step up. And be great.